Piggy

Again..

2009-04-28T18:16:00.002+08:00

Bz for whole day.. finally i back here and blog again..

These days, my heart seems to be getting worst.. Everyday bully me till i cant stand and have to take the stupid medicine. Even after take, still pain. Seems tat doesnt really works. Last nite, again i took. Then i feel so sick and sleep be4 9P.M. till this morning 9 something then awake.

Previously i very scared of this sickness coz it might end up go for operation. I not making up the story but it was said by Doctor Wong. He's a heart specialist in Kuching. As i know, there were 2 cases which the same sickness as mine. 1 of them is now a normal person having a normal life. BUT.. The other 1, passed away not long after the operation. This means tat, 50 50 la.. I ever very scared of the operation, I rather suffer for it coz I scared i'll lost someone IF the operation fail. But now, even though I din take the risk, I had lost her. So, now just depend on the situation. If really have to admit for operation, just go ahead. How's the result be, it nothing much different to me.

why life so suffering?

2009-04-24T17:00:00.004+08:00

last nite, I Finally took those stupid medicine given by the heart specialist.. dunno which to take, might as well took all.. but seems tat medicine doesn't really works on it anymore. after taken, it still pain like hell till this noon time. I was asking myself How many more sunshine can i enjoy? none of us know.. But it's a good thing tat we dunno everything.
Keep on saying dunno to others.. am i really dunno.. how i hope so.. why god so cruel..let me know something i dun wish to know, yet dun let me know those things i wanna know..
Suddenly.. Suddenly i turn speechless.. suddenly i being freezed.. it just like a sunny day suddenly turn cloudy day then thunderstorm coming.
Who can be blame? it's me. myself. like wat Mariah Carey said,

Dun ever take anybody for granted, coz you never know wat you might lost someday, and you'll never get a chance to tell them how you really feel.

pls understand it be4 it's too late. Now i understand and i know wat i should do and be. But, It's too late..

5th months

2009-04-06T11:15:00.003+08:00

Today, 6th April 2009. Broke up for 5 months dy.. But still cant put down. Think of her everyday.. Miss her every second.

Went spring fetch a fren last nite, saw her car 1st then saw her with her frens sitting outside secret recipe. I guess she saw me. But these days, we're both are like stranger to each other. Few days ago, we drove pass each other on the road, as if we dunno each other. That kind of feeling.. i guess none of you will understand. From stranger --> fren --> love one --> fren --> stranger. Will this cycle back to me and her..? i dun wan the complete set but just 60% of it is enough. just stop by love one. Hope for it and Pray for it. When will the day come..?

p/s: Dear reader, pls pray for me ya.. Thx.

Finally.. i update..

2009-03-24T17:53:00.002+08:00

Halo everyone who view me.. It's being a long time i din update. Reason is.. nothing much to be say..

Give up la.. forget bout her la.. go find new one.. spend more time study la.. haiyo, stop thinking of her liaw la.. stop worried bout her.. <-- These are all those things i received from ppl around me. I know.. I know everyone see me being like this, really concern bout me. But, i believe that there's miracle and miracle will only happen on someone who is patient. Hope everyone will support me..

Attack by heart pain.. seems like no one cares..

最可怜的情人节

2009-02-16T00:59:00.006+08:00

男人，人们说，男人很爱面子，不会轻易的在人群中流泪。相信你们都同意吧。。

2月14日那晚，我真得无法控制自己，就在人群中流了泪。第一次。。你们有听说过吗？男人流泪是因为他真的爱了。这是真的也。。我从没那么爱一个人，这次我真的哭了。。我是真的为你（美芬）哭了。。

从朋友那得知，我醉后驾车差一点闯死一辆两条生命的电单车。老实说，我真的对当晚发生的事毫无印象。我只记得我去那喝酒，之后我去哪，做了什么都没印象。朋友还说我 horn 人家整条路。。都没印象。

醉了加上头部后脑被硬物敲到，如产生了几个钟的失意。

失败者

2009-02-11T11:11:00.000+08:00

你们知道真真的失败是什么吗？就让失败者来告诉你们吧。。

生意失败，学业失败，等等失败，都不算失败。有钱人真的是成功人士吗？学业很好就算成功吗？错了。真真的失败是输了真爱。

在每个人眼中，bill gates 是一个很成功的人，我也这么想，但他真的是成功者吗？只有他自己懂。他的确是在事业上很成功。但他身边那位是他最爱的吗？

跟你们分享我这个失败者的人生吧。。我从出生到现在真的是一事无成。失败失败。。但我曾尽成功过。那就是跟美芬在一起。赢得真爱。当时的我真的是真真的成功。只要能跟自己爱的人在一起，就是世间最成功最幸福的事了。。这一个成功胜过所有的失败。只要能跟爱的人在一起，就算输了全世界，也是值得，也是成功。

我相信没有任何人比我更失败。。你们身边的最爱如你们爱的人，你们的父母，他们相信你吗？我爱的人不相信我对她说的话，我父母也不相信我。世间上，相信每个人都说过谎，我也是人，当然我也说过。但，我对他们三人的确是最坦白，最诚实的。但很不信的，原来我对他们的坦白跟诚实，却不能获得他们的信任。

像我这么失败的人，留在世间的确是浪费氧气。

今天=礼物 / 责磨？所以，有话就讲，免得没机会讲。

2009-02-08T13:54:00.013+08:00

今天我还能在这blogging，真的是谢天谢地。昨晚，差点死掉。不是因为我得罪人，而是因为我身体的"pressure pump"。不过，如果昨晚真的“走”了，应该会有人会很开心，当然也应该会有人很伤心吧。
还好这次有朋友在身边，我可以交待一些东西。之前几次，都没人在身边，幸好没“走”，要不然就要花“钱”给世间亲人或朋友报梦了。。

相信每个人都知道2月14日是什么日子吧。。今年该要怎么过呢。？过个没情人的情人节，几可怜一下咯。。有些朋友还刺激我，问我要不要买花之类的。真是没人性。

各位，记得，一定要珍惜你身边的他/她。不要失去了才来后悔，往往太迟了。

以下这网页，希望可以给各位参考参考。。
花之密语

三个月了。。

2009-02-07T01:24:00.002+08:00

2月6日，晴天，已近两天没有找美芬了。。老实说，真的时时刻刻都很想念她。真的很想找她，很想见到她，就算是远远望她一眼。不过，不是我不要找她了。。而是她不想我找她。我被警告数次了。。真的很怕，怕她会恨我。

今天我跟美芬已分手了三个月了。。真的，真的无法放下。每时每刻，都很想念她。我从来没那么爱过一个人，相信美芬是我这生中第一也是最后一个爱的人吧，因为我心再也无法容纳其他人了。我知道每个人都会变，都在变，我，你，他，每分每秒都在变，但我可以很肯定的说，无论怎么变，我对美芬的爱是永远不会变。

美芬，我知道你再也不相信我说的话，但请你相信，我爱你是真的。我对你是真的。我在改我的坏习惯，我可以对世间万物发誓，我，冠坚只会一天比一天的爱你。再也不会伤害你。给我一个机会好吗？求求你。。

我的心声

2009-02-01T01:19:00.002+08:00

还记得那天，你说爱我不变，就算现在要我输了全世界，我也想再听你说一遍。我要你永远在我身边。

今天，又去了赌，又输钱了。。但我输得起。我唯一输不起的是美芬你。我什么都能输，就算是要我输了全世界，我都愿意。只要你回来我身边，我什么都愿意。

Another day

2009-01-30T03:44:00.003+08:00

Another day of the CNY.. Gambling again.. at 1st win.. Then start to lose after my mum's phone call. Lose how much i dun really know.. But if i not mistake, roughly RM50 like tat lo..

And tonight really soi ar.. My car bodykit.. Kena the road ba.. Now my front skirt damage.. sien ar..

Will this help?

2009-01-29T10:58:00.001+08:00

I wonder will this video helps to increase or decrease road accident.

My life these days..

2009-01-29T03:01:00.002+08:00

CNY.. Gamble everyday.. 1st day, lose till face black black.. 2nd day, win till face smile smile.. 3rd day, lose a bit nia.. Bo Shu.. haha..

3rd day of the CNY was Kate's 21st bday, previously, we celebrate our bday together but this year, i think she dun feel like seeing me and welcome me at all. Since like tat, I just sent over the things that i prepared for her over to where she was and f**k off from her sight and run to core with frens.

Nothing much to post too..

Kate, Happy 21st birthday.

我不是一個愛過就算的人

2009-01-27T12:32:00.000+08:00

1st day of CNY

2009-01-27T01:35:00.002+08:00

1st day of CNY. As usual, woke up early in the morning and go grandma house as visiting. Came back waiting for frens and relative to come. Going out with frens since afternoon till now. Exhausted.

The only different for this year is i visited frens house during the 1st day. For the past few years, i'll only visit frens house starting on the 2nd day and the house that i'll visit during the 1st day was grandma house and my love one(Kate)'s house. Seems like i dun have the chance to visit her this year. Who to blame? Of coz is I myself.

Where was Kate? Where's Kate? Miss her so much.
Kate, Nicholas Love You.

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-26T11:36:00.002+08:00

I'm hereby to wish everyone Happy Chinese New Year. To be honest, this year is the 1st time i welcomed Chinese New Year in such down mood i would say. Where should i start to say..

Erm.. CNY eve, after firework, i was alone in moody condition. Think back of 'Where was i for the previous CNY eve..' Tat was so sweet and unforgetable. I tot i was part of Kate's family. But bcoz of the mistake i made last year, i ruined the relationship. Thinking of tat, i really regret on wat i had done to Kate in the previous year. Sorry Kate. Sorry. If there's another chance for me, i promise, i promise i wont be like tat anymore.
And i start to drink my dad's X.O. A fren of mine(Jason) knew that i was moody and concern bout me, he come over my place to fetch me up to go for drinks at Impalema(if i din spell wrongly) as accompany me. Of coz Baron and Afshyn go over to accompany me too. Thx.

'New year, New wish, New hope.' The only wish, hope i have this year is to recover with Kate and can be with Kate till the very last breathe of mine. Will my wish come true? I'm not greedy, this is my ONLY wish.

我想对美芬说的话

2009-01-26T10:08:00.002+08:00

How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I...
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Good in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?

求求你。。。

2009-01-21T20:51:00.008+08:00

小猪仔，我真的真的很烦。你已离开了我两个多月了。自从你离开我那天开始，我也没了开心的感觉。我日日夜夜都在想念着你。就算是睡觉也会梦见你。是每次睡都会梦见你。自从你离开之后，我很难入睡，但如果我一睡，我就不想醒过来，原因就是我要跟你在一起。因为梦里有你在身旁，只要有你，我才懂得什么是快乐。但，人总不能活在梦里。真的很希望可以梦境成真。

很想念你。真的真的很想念你。没了你，我的人生真的很没意义。每天醒过来都没有目标。跟活死人没什么两样。之前我真的没想过你对我是如此的重要。真的没想过没有你的日子会是如此的难受，难过。之前是我不懂得珍惜你。对不起。如果可以再给我机会，我发誓，我会好好的珍惜你。不会让你受伤害，更加不会再伤害你。

心里真的有很多很多话想对你说。跟你解释近来你对我的误会。但就是没机会。每次说没两句，我就弄到你生气。对不起。每次想要找你，又怕你不开心。

我知道以上我所说的，你都会说不管你的事。但我真的很希望，很希望我们会有复合的一天。我相信你还是爱我的。之前是我不好。是我毁了我们的感情，是我背叛了你，是我伤害了你。但我求求你，再给彼此一个机会好吗？我们好不容易才能够在一起，真的这样就放弃吗？我真的不能没有你。我需要你。美芬，我爱你，我爱你一生一世。这是我们说好的幸福，我们的约定。不是吗？

Apologise

2009-01-21T13:26:00.002+08:00

To my beloved small piggy dear Kate,

I'm hereby to apologise on the mistake i made. It might be late but if you accept my apologise, there's nothing such as too late to apologise. Right?

In the past 3 years, I really did a lots of things that let you worried, unhappy and angry. Really Sorry bout that. The worst thing happened on the 14 June 2008. I really very Sorry bout the incident. i shouldn't be so bad tempered. Sorry my dear. I really blame myself on what i had done. Really very very Sorry bout that. I promise. I promise i won't be like tat anymore. I promise i'll love you more and more. Just, pls.. Pls give me another chances to be with you. Pls..

WHY???

2009-01-21T01:55:00.004+08:00

Why no one wanna listen to my explaination? Why no one trust me? Small piggy dear, my parents. Why none of you trust me?

Small piggy, i really din follow u. i really din 跟踪 you. Why you dun trust me? i know where to find you and know where are you not because i follow you or go forum or some other blog to know it. I know it by feel it. I can feel where are you. Why you can't just listen to my explaination? Why you just can trust me? And i find you not because i'm a control freak, but bcoz i concern bout you. I trust you. I fully trust you. But i'll worried bout you when you dun wanna answer my call.

And parents, i really wanna be a good son. i really do wake up early in the morning but just a few minutes late from the time you said. But you dun wait for me. I know I'm wrong for my late, but why you just can't wait for me awhile? I really feel sorry for my late and fail to make what i had promise.

Why none of you wanna listen to my explaination and trust me? Why?

Why none of you wanna listen to me and yet see things only on ur own view..? Can pls see things on my point of view.? Can pls listen to my explaination and trust me? If I dun love you, i wont care so much. And yet i not being trust by the one I love. I believe that no one will be able to understand my feeling now. I know. I know small piggy dear dun love me anymore and trying very hard to give up me. But I can swear to the world that my love to small piggy dear Kate is 100%. What i wish, what i hope and what i pray everyday is to recover with small piggy dear Kate. Without you, my life is misearable. As what i said previously, I totally lost in my life. 我完完全全迷失了在人生的道路.

1st post

2009-01-20T03:23:00.009+08:00

This is my 1st post and yet i dunno wat to post. Since the day my small piggy dear left me, i totally lost in my life. I can't see any future of mine and can't find any reason for myself to be happy. Can anyone pls tell me wat's the purpose of waking up everyday without any living target and future?

Small piggy, I never know how much you mean to me until the day you leave me. Everyday i wake up i pray for the same thing. Pray tat this is the day that you can forgive me and recover with me. Will my wish come true? I can hardly sleep everyday but once i sleep, i dun feel like waking up bcoz whenever i sleep, i dream of you and once i awake, u're gone. Pls.. Pls come back to me in real life. i'll be right here waiting.
It's not easy for us to build up this relationship. Pls.. Pls dun give up.